I write My posts the same way I shoot My clips.
I get an idea in My head and just roll with it and write/speak as the inspiration flows through Me. (With the length of My recent posts and clips, I guess I'm extra inspired these days!)
So anyway, I banged out a new post and was just about to publish it when something stopped Me...
Yeah, you guessed right, it was that little voice in My gut. (See, you know Me so well now.) That little voice said there's something else I need to share first, because that's where it all began.
And if that hadn't happened, I wouldn't be writing this or anything else right now.
So, grab your popcorn, get comfy, and let's begin yet another tale in the saga of a perfectly imperfect Fucking Warrior who's living her own Truth and walking Her own path.
It all started with...
A Tech Disaster
I work from home and have done so for years. I love the flexibility and the freedom that it gives Me, and since most of My work is online, it allows Me to work even on days when My energy levels are low. Needless to say, I spend a LOT of time on My computer.
Then last month, just a few days before Christmas, disaster struck!
My most cherished and beloved PC suddenly and without any warning, took its final breath and gave up its ghost in the machine.
So, I did what I do best.
I freaked out.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuckity fuck fuck.
FUUUCK!
(In case you haven't noticed, I like saying 'fuck' a lot. I find it VERY therapeutic. You should try it sometime.)
Between Christmas and some extra expenses there was NO way I could get another PC straight away. I mean I could, but that would mean juggling stuff around, delaying things that were already way overdue, putting more strain on an already overstrained budget, and I REALLY didn't want to do all that.
Let's not forget that I'm still working on getting back on My feet after My "Two Years of Unrelenting Trauma, Torment and Darkness!" (I'm not dramatic. YOU'RE dramatic!)
What to do...
What to do...
I then did the second thing I do best.
I took a few deep breaths.
And I went still.
And then clarity (along with some sanity) returned.
I could split My work between My phone and a laptop even though I HATE using laptops! (No, that doesn't make Me weird, it makes Me 'unique'.) After all, it would just be for a couple of months, and I wasn't working at 100% productivity anyway.
And being somewhat productive was better than being massively unproductive while bedridden and homebound, so it's all good.
Phew.
Crisis averted.
And then, because I was no longer discombobulated and overcome with hysteria, I had ANOTHER great idea. (I have been known to have them now and again.)
Why not post a tweet about it?
With over 13k followers, surely SOME of them would be moved by the Spirit of Christmas and more importantly by My distress and would contribute towards a new PC!
So, I tweeted.
And I waited.
And I heard...
Crickets.
Oh well, I guess everyone is dealing with their own Holiday Chaos, and I'll just carry on with plan A. At least I know I tried!
And then, he sent Me a link.
"Would this one be ok for you?"
Me, being technologically challenged (and recently hysterical) hadn't given much thought to what kind of PC I needed.
And so, I immediately started doing research on what kind of machine would be best for Me. Yeah yeah, I KNOW. You would think that by MY age I'd at least know what kind of specs I need.
But it's HARD and CONFUSING and I've never had to do it before! (End of whine)
So once again I girded My loins, put on My Big Girl panties, and dove headfirst out of My comfort zone. (Sans the stilettos and whip this time.)
While I was figuring out what I needed, there was some back and forth over what would be most suitable and still within a reasonable budget.
And he just patiently sent Me links.
So many links.
So much patience.
Until he found the PERFECT one.
Sigh.
But wait!
It's not even REMOTELY within the budget I had in My head.
But he didn't care.
He got it for Me anyway.
But this saga isn't just about a Tech Disaster. Oh, no it's about so much more than that.
Because what he gave Me was immeasurably more valuable than the monetary value of the BEST, MOST AWESOMELY FAB and MOST BEAUTIFUL COMPUTER EVER!!!
* Stops blowing kisses and cooing to Her computer. *
Swoon.
Sigh.
Where was I?
Oh yes, his gift to Me was so much more than just a new computer, and something FAR more valuable.
He gave Me the gift of his time.
He could have sent Me a gift card or a Tribute and told Me to get whatever I wanted.
But he didn't.
Because he knew I was already burning the candle at both ends and had more than enough on My plate.
So, he made the time.
When he himself had none to spare.
And he did the research.
And he didn't give up until he found exactly what I needed.
Because he wanted to make My life easier.
When his life was far from easy.
His gift was a gift of...
Love
Our love isn't a romantic love. Far from it. We have both found our respective soulmates, and while he's living happily with his, I KNOW I'll be back with Mine before the year is up.
But it's still love.
It's the email containing just three words... "are you ok?"
It's the daily message every morning and every night, wishing Me well.
It's the gentle yet firm reminder that I need to be kinder to Myself.
It's the quiet yet unceasing effort to always find ways to make My life easier.
Love.
The love of two wounded Warriors who may fall many times but who are never defeated.
The love of two perfectly imperfect and beautifully broken souls who find strength, comfort, and support in one another and who've realized that our similarities far outweigh our differences.
Kink may have brought us together, but that's not what keeps us connected.
He's not My slave. He's not even My sub.
He's My...
Lighthouse
Because when the darkness begins to descend and I begin to stumble, his bright light helps keep Me steady. When I'm blindly traversing through seemingly endless tunnels and toilsome valleys, his light helps Me navigate through to the other side.
But because a Lighthouse is often surrounded by darkness, he sometimes finds himself suffocated by it.
And he starts to lose his way.
He can't see the light, because he IS the light.
And all he sees is darkness.
He's so busy being kind to others, he forgets to be kind to himself.
He forgets that he's a Fucking Warrior.
He forgets that he's ENOUGH.
But that's ok.
Because I'm here to shine MY light as HE navigates through the dark and stormy seas. MY light will help HIM traverse through the seemingly endless tunnels and toilsome valleys.
Because at the end of the day, that's what this beautiful, heartbreaking, exhilarating, uplifting, and extremely fucked up adventure we call "life" is all about isn't it?
Sometimes, we need a Lighthouse.
And sometimes we need to BE one.
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