When slover first reached out to Me all those years ago, he considered himself a sub and asked Me to train him.
During the very first meeting we had, I told him in no uncertain terms that he wasn't a sub at all. From the communication we'd shared online before meeting in person, I found him to be more of a kinkster, a fetishist and a bottom. Turns out he had a lot more Dominant traits than submissive ones, and I've not only enjoyed helping him to discover his Dominant side, but also take immense pleasure from watching him dominate others.
The fact that he completely submits himself to Me and is My slave/lover is a choice he consciously made once our relationship developed and progressed on a deeper level.
But back then he was so confused when I told him he wasn't a sub. " But I love licking feet and having a strong voluptuous woman sit on my face." I explained to him that neither of these things made him particularly submissive, they just made him a kinkster and a fetishist. "But I enjoy different roleplays and want to get pegged with a strapon" he said. Once again I told him that although many subs enjoy the same thing, in his case it made him at most a bottom, but definitely not a sub.
So what defines someone as a sub or a slave? A kinkster or a fetishist ? Well if you Google it and do a bit of research, you'll find many different definitions and descriptions. There are as many opinions about this as there are people in this Lifestyle, and everyone has their own personal definition or perception.
Here below is MY personal opinion on the matter and once again, I'd just like to remind you that these are only MY definitions. I'm not saying they're wrong or right, nor am I in judgement of people who think differently. I'm sharing what My beliefs and philosophies are and if they resonate within you and you agree with them its great, otherwise continue your journey and sooner or later you will discover your own truth.
Fetishist
A fetishist is someone who gets sexually aroused by a particular object or part of the body which isn't commonly objectified in a sexual manner.
For example, slover has a VERY strong foot fetish ( ESPECIALLY for My Feet) but he could tie up a slave and lick her feet and suck on her toes while dominating her. The same way, you might have a fetish for used panties or certain types of shoes or boots. It doesn't necessarily mean you're a sub. It just means that seeing or fondling those objects turns you on and makes your dick hard.
A fetishist can love, admire and get aroused by many different things without it making him submissive.
A Bottom
A bottom is someone who consents to having a specific activity (sexual or non sexual) performed on them.
It doesn't necessarily mean that there is any submission or power exchange involved.
For example, slover likes being pegged with a strapon. Once again, he can experience that WITHOUT any kind of power exchange, humiliation or domination. The ACT of fucking him with My strapon is not what makes him a sub or a slave.
The same way, someone could enjoy being spanked or flogged etc... it might sexually excite and arouse them. But if there is no power exchange then that person is not being "dominated ". They are being topped.
Being a bottom simply means that you are on the receiving end of some kind of sensation or service, and even as a Domme I enjoy being the "bottom" when I get a massage from one of My slaves or lie back and allow slover to lick Me for hours.
I've come across many guys online who call themselves slaves but in reality are bottoms. They want a Woman to provide them with certain fetish services such as humiliation or whipping etc... but their focus in a session is ONLY on what they receive and in no way are they concerned with serving a Domme.
A Kinkster
A kinkster is someone who enjoys unusual or uncommon things during sexual situations. I'm a kinkster and we kinksters are also called perverts by vanilla society. Being kinky can range from liking strange things during sex such as food play, spanking, water sports etc... the difference between a kinkster and a fetishist is that a kinkster doesn't need to be spanked or spank every time in order to get aroused, but someone who has a fetish for spanking will always and sometimes ONLY get aroused when spanking or being spanked.
A Sub
Being a submissive doesn't mean you are weak, a loser or somehow LESS than other people. It simply means that you CONSENT to hand over control in certain aspects or ways to someone else ( your Domme). You may choose to only be submissive during a session, or you may have a long term D/s relationship with a Domme where you both negotiate what She expects from you, what your limits are and in what ways you can serve Her. Being a sub means you are part of a Power Exchange where you willingly agree to let your Domme control and train you for Her pleasure. As a sub, your main responsibilities include always keeping your Domme happy and making sure that you bring Her pleasure in different ways. You still have a LOT of control over your life and your Domme has the power to train and punish you according to the limits you both set before you started.
Slave
In My opinion, "slave" is one of the most overused and misused terms in Femdom. I've come across many guys who call themselves "slaves" because they watched some Femdom porn and it turned them on. There are also a lot of Dommes who will call someone a slave almost immediately. In My opinion, unless you have both decided to have a Mistress/slave roleplay, calling someone a slave is very premature and misleading.
Being a slave is one of the MOST intimate relationships you will ever have with someone. Its agreeing to give up most if not ALL of your freedom, your limits and also your power.
you exist soley for the pleasure of your owner and unlike a sub, you have no power to negotiate or discuss anything. Although you may not be living Femdom or BDSM 24 hours a day, your life STILL revolves around your owner and everything that you do is reflected in that. For example, one of My slaves will start his morning taking a bath and then praying to an online shrine that he made for Me. He will also pay various taxes for any rewards I might allow him, such as going out or buying something for himself, having sex or masturbating etc.. he knows that he cannot take any big decisions without first asking Me for My permission and My opinion. Some slaves have more restrictions while some have less, that again depends on the understanding between the Mistress and Her slave and the negotiations that go into the slave contract.
A sub may decide to serve or play with many different Dommes, but a slave will always be true ONLY to his Mistress and Owner.
So there it is.
I hope this list and the definitions have helped you and cleared up any confusion you may have.
Whether you're a bottom, a fetishist, kinkster, sub or slave, just be true to yourself and remember to always play in a safe, sane and consensual manner.
If you have more questions or would like a more in depth discussion on this topic,don't hesitate to reach out to Me and book a chat or phone discussion.