Grief

Written on October 8th, 2024

Grief, like death, is an inevitable part of life. 

It doesn't discriminate between the rich or the poor, the old or the young. It doesn't spare anyone, and sooner or later, unless one is completely shut off from their emotions, one will be confronted by grief. 

One of the many ironies of this beautifully fucked up adventure we call life, is that the more we have, the more we risk losing.

And the deeper we allow ourselves to love, the more vulnerable we become to pain.

Although grief is most commonly associated with death, there are countless other reasons why one may experience grief.

Grief is an emotional reaction to loss.

When that loss is someone or something that we closely identify with, then the grief is always more profound, as it can feel like we've lost a sense of ourselves. 

Some grief is more socially acceptable than others.

Some companies offer bereavement leave if one has a death in the family, while friends and neighbors show an outpouring of sympathy.

But loss can come in many forms, and each loss carries its own intense grief. Some other forms of loss include:

The loss of an Animal Companion. 

The break up of a relationship. 

The loss of one's business. 

The loss of a job.

A personal injury.

A house fire. 

A theft.

Grief can also be triggered by significant life changes, such as:

Relocating to a new house or moving to a new city.

Leaving your parent's home.

Having your children leave home.

Graduating.

Although these changes are an important part of one's personal development, and are often celebrated, they can also bring profound feelings of grief as they mark the end of one era, and the beginning of another.

But often people don't allow themselves to grieve.

Society tells us to "think positive" and always "live in gratitude," and that by expressing the feelings of loss within us, we are being weak and ungrateful. 

But it is perfectly normal to feel happy, excited, and grateful for new beginnings and look forward to novel adventures, while still experiencing profound sadness for the end of what WAS.

Similar to a proud mother who blesses her son as he moves out to live on his own for the first time, with joy in her heart and tears in her eyes.

Most often people don't know what to do when confronted with the grief of others.

"He/she lived a long and happy life."

"It wasn't meant to be."

"It was only an animal."

"You're crying too much."

"You haven't cried enough."

"You need to move on."

And while some of these platitudes may be well meaning, very rarely do they offer any comfort. We are supposed to suck it up, and move on once the "official" period of mourning is over.

Men as usual, are supposed to be stoic in their grief. They are supposed to be the "strong and silent" type, who need to "man up" because "real men" don't cry. 

But only the person who has experienced loss knows what they are going through.

Grief has no formula, and each journey is as unique as the person who is experiencing it.

But what's MOST imperative for both your healing, AND your personal growth, is to allow yourself to experience the grief.

Experience it the way YOU feel it, and not the way society tells you to feel.

Allow yourself to be fully consumed by the pain, because that's the ONLY way through it. 

It's tempting to look for escape from grief in alcohol, drugs, sex, work, etc... but you can't run away from it. You can only bury it or walk through it, and what you bury will only fester, and manifest itself in some toxic way, either in your physical, or mental health. It will cause you to sabotage your relationships and isolate yourself. 

So if we can't escape from the grief and we can't bury it, that leaves us with only one choice.

We must go through it.

I think of grief as a tunnel of fire that I MUST brace Myself to navigate through, because no matter how excruciating the pain may be, My path continues on the other side of the tunnel.

Shying away from the tunnel and remaining stagnant only leads to a loss of one's quality of life, and cripples our growth, and because WE are Fucking Warriors, who are on a journey to be the BEST versions of ourselves, we must continue to move forward, crawling when we have to, but always moving ahead.

So allow yourself to sit with the pain.

Open yourself up to it.

FEEL it.

Let it consume you.

And then walk through it.

Don't make it your home.

As I type this, I am experiencing a profound sense of grief, and of loss. The pain is excruciating at times, and although I am blessed and privileged to be surrounded by unconditional love and support, this tunnel I MUST walk through alone, as must we all.

Because after a lifetime of pain, I have finally come to a profound realization...

Pain doesn't make us stronger. 

Our resilience and our endurance of the pain is what makes us stronger. 

WE have to put in the work.

Time doesn't heal anything. 

Allowing ourselves to feel the pain, being consumed by it, and coming out on the other side, is what heals us.

Wallowing in the pain and making it our identity only leads to destruction. 

We MUST walk through the pain, and get used to the loss, knowing it will remain with us, and continue forward on our path.

Because beyond the pain, there is only Love. 

And where there is Love, there is only Peace. 

And Everything is in the Perfection of Divine Order. 

And that is Makalism.